Parenting Tips: Fostering trust early

By fostering trust early, children learn to love and respect the world around them.

Your child’s view of trust begins as soon as they are born. They are taken out of the only world they know, which is warm, comfy and quiet to a world that is foreign and frightening. The examination table is hard; there are all kinds of strange noises. People are poking and grabbing them. It’s up to the parent to instill a sense of calm and trust, and let their child know that they are safe.

As you strive to care and nurture your tiny, wiggly newborn they learn to trust that when they have a need it will be met. When they are cold they are wrapped snuggly in a blanket. When they are hungry they are fed. When they are lonely they are picked up and held close.

These important lessons do not end as your child grows, but instead becomes more imperative and complicated as time goes on. In learning how and why trust is established, parents can help their children grow into self-assured, independent adults.

There are several important steps to fostering trust in your child.

Physical contact:
It is widely known that skin-to-skin contact is fantastic for your newborn. The warmth of a mother’s body comforts and relaxes your infant. As your child grows older, hugs, kisses and holding hands are extremely important in developing trust. Many children from Russian orphanages have been documented by experts to have attachment disorders due to the lack of physical contact. Some babies in these horrific situations simply turn their backs on the world outside of their cribs and face the wall. They have no ability to connect to, or to trust their caregivers.

Words of endearment:
Simply telling a child that you love them unconditionally lets them know that they are safe, secure, loved and cherished. Even before a child learns what the words mean, the inflection of your tone reassures and calms your baby. The silly names that we give our children, the amusing songs that we sing them, all let our children know “you are my child, and you are dear and important to me”.

When your child knows that they will be loved, even if they do something wrong, it gives them the ability to make mistakes and wrong decisions. The child can still come to the parent for guidance, without feeling the need to deny or hide the transgression.

Routines:
It is very important to establish routines as early as possible. Do you need to be militant with your newborn? No, of course not. When you bring your baby home from the hospital, you have to get to know each other. Even if this is not your first child, children are remarkably different and respond in different ways. What worked for your first child, may not work for your second. Part of learning about one another is finding out what works and what doesn’t, usually through trial and error.

Routines are ways of doing things that are done everyday in the same manner each time. Routines are made to have a specific response each time they are done. At the end of the evening if a child is given a bath, read a book, given a bottle and put to bed, they will start to associate this as their bedtime routine. Now, when they are put into the bath, they will start to anticipate what will come next. Trust is established when the things that the child anticipates happening, actually do.

Repetition:
The reason that routines work is repetition. It has been said that it takes up to a month for a routine to actually take hold.

The important thing to remember is that if the routine is not working, no amount of repetition is going to help. If the method that your friend swears makes her baby fall to sleep each night irritates and upsets your child, you need to find another routine that relaxes and works for your baby. Your child relies on you to make good choices that are in his or her best interest.

Consistency:
Since very young children can not make their own decisions it’s important that they feel a sense of control over their world. There is no better way to do this, than to be consistent. Consistency is essential for not only routines but in also knowing what is allowable and not allowable for your child to do. This goes for your co-parent as well.

If you have a bedtime routine established, but you let your child stay up late whenever he whines, it will not be effective. If you tell your toddler to not climb on the sofa, but your husband lets him scale up it like a mountain goat, guess what? Your child is not going to know who the boss is, and that will erode trust. Children like consistency; believe it or not, it lets them know what is expected out of them and the world around them.

Limits:
A child with no limits is equal to a car without a steering wheel and no brakes. It doesn’t know where to go or when to stop. By teaching your child limits, it helps them make good choices. Knowing that your parents expect you to act in a certain manner gives your child guidelines for current situations and for future ones as well.

Every young child has had times when they have not been the best behaved, much to the dismay of many parents, but good behavior should be expected most of the time and your child should begin to understand this. Even very young children should start to learn the difference between right and wrong, that way it will be easier for your child to understand the distinction as they grow older.

Consequences:
Firm, fair and consistent consequences are vital as well. If your child knows that you disapprove of a certain action, and does it anyway, there must be certain consequences that are established and known to your child. Punishment is not meant to hurt or upset your child; it is to help them by letting them know that they are important enough to discipline.

Communication:
Talk to your children. Even babies and toddlers benefit from frequent verbal communication. Young children’s capacity for understanding language far exceeds their ability to speak.

Let your children talk to you. Encourage conversations. Be patient and respectful of your children’s feelings. You don’t have to agree or even debate with them, but be considerate when explaining your rules.

Keep your promises:
It goes without saying, but merits restating - keep your promises! When you tell your child that you will be at their soccer game, you need to show up, and be attentive. Don’t talk on the cell-phone constantly or work on your laptop when you are there. Enjoy this time in your child’s life; don’t let them think that they are an inconvenience.

Parents are constantly striving to find ways to instill their children with self-confidence and respect for the world around them. When a child gowns up to trust this will be second nature, and the likelihood that they will be productive members of society increases greatly.

Conclusion
By establishing these steps at the earliest stages in a child’s life, mutual trust, respect and love is established in your household. When home is a safe haven for a child, the world in general seems more loving and accepting.