How To Get Your Child To Listen

Getting your children to listen is no easy task, but it is one that can be mastered with time and patience. The miracle of a listening child who does exactly what you want won’t happen overnight, but by using the following tips, it may happen sooner than later.

Preventing problems

Try and see the problem from your children’s point of view. For example, you keep telling your children to clean their rooms, but they won’t do it. Is it because it’s not “cool” to have clean rooms? Will having clean rooms make it harder to find things? How did you feel about cleaning your room when you were a child? By understanding their perspective, you may be that much closer to a solution. 

Ask your children why they’re not doing what you want them to do. Sometimes they may just answer “because we don’t want to,” but they also may have a good reason for not doing the task, such as “We need to finish our homework first,” or “Steve is coming over, and we want to make snacks for us.”

Phrase requests politely. Instead of saying, “Clean your room now!,” say, “Please have your room cleaned by 6 p.m. tonight,” or “When you finish with what you’re doing now, please clean your room,” or “You can clean your room now, or in 20 minutes. It’s up to you.”

Work with your children for solutions to problems. For example, if your child always leaves his dirty clothes on the floor, perhaps you could put the clothes hamper in a more accessible place. 

Rehearse situations. For example, if your children have trouble getting up on time for school, tell them what they need to do each morning when they wake up, and then rehearse the day before. If your children don’t wake up on time, enter their room, and say, “It’s 7:30 a.m. What do you need to be doing now?”

Don’t take responsibility for your children’s actions. If they have trouble waking up, but you continue to coax them to get out of bed, you both have lost, because the children know you won’t let them be late for school. Tell them you will call them twice, and then do it. Refuse to write them an excuse note if they are late for school.

Avoid ultimatums. They perpetuate power struggles, and make both parties feel resentful. Instead, emphasize the positive aspects of a situation, such as telling your children how great they are going to feel when they finish a major project for school.

Discipline

Speak calmly and reasonably when asking your children to do things. If you yell, they will yell right back.

Discipline your children in private, not in front of their friends, because that will embarrass everyone, and build resentment from your children to you.

Follow through with discipline. For example, if you tell your children not to leave their dirty clothes on the floor, and they do anyway, don’t wash any clothes that are not in the clothes hamper. Don’t back down, even if your children have to wear dirty clothes a few times.

Positive reinforcement 

Have faith in your children. For example, if they want help with their homework, offer suggestions as to where they can find the information themselves. Tell them you have confidence in their ability to do the work.

Recognize excellence. When your children listen to you and do what you ask promptly, praise them and tell them how much you appreciate their actions. Also make sure your children hear you say good things about them to your spouse, friends and other adults.

Conclusion

Getting children to listen can be a long, tough process. Children can also be expected to test you once in a while, even if you have the best discipline. Be brief and calm when this happens, and remember that the situation will probably improve eventually. Remember that the final reward will be worth it; you’ll have well-behaved, responsible children who listen to adults.

Don’t Change The Rule

Most difficult children are those that will change the rule to suit them. In that way, the child will be controlling the situation and for the parent this is stressful. The child will strategize their approach to change the rule and actually will insist on changing the parent rules in order to have thing their way. If you can manage this “Don’t Change the Rule” you life will be less stressful and a more positive relationship may be created.

Be consistence with your rule

When it comes to parenting, consistency is the name of the game. You have got to lay down the rules and teach your kids about the facts of life. But once you do that, do not waver. Kids notice, and they get confused and what you say is diminished in value.

Set good rules and follow them yourself

Set good rules and follow them yourself. Show your child that you mean business with the rules. So much so that you’ll abide by them, too. If your child sees you acting how you expect your child to act, they will be more likely to behave properly.

Kids will try to get you to bend on the rules

Kids will try to get you to bend on the rules. So be prepared. They will try everything in the book to get you to let them do something they know they are normally not allowed to do. But remember, if you fold, there will be plenty of other times when your child will want you to bend the rules again. And how will you handle THAT situation?

Do not bend your rule

Your child will look for your moments of weakness. They will wait until you are particularly tired or worn out. Or they will wait for a time right after they have done something really nice or really good. Then they will ask for you to bend the rules on them.

Improve your child ability to follow rules

The best thing for you to do is to stick to your guns. Make a pact with yourself that no matter how you are feeling or what the situation is, that you will stick with the rules that you have laid out. Tell yourself that you would not bend, and that will diminish the number of times that your child will ask for the rules to be bent and will improve your child’s behavior and ability to follow rules.

What happen if your child keeps changing rules?

The child that keeps changing rules will grow up trying to change the environment to fit them all the time. They will find it difficult to stay in studies or keep a job. Because studies and job has its rules, but the child can no longer change the rules to fit them.

When rules do not stay because it can be changed at all times, the child learns to ignore rules. And they won’t even know that they are ignoring the rules. For example, giving way to drivers on the right is a good road rules. Ever wonder why this is practiced by most developed nations? In Malaysia this does not happen? Simple, Malaysian drivers has learned to ignore traffic rules so much that they do not know traffic rules anymore.

Conclusion

The other thing to keep in mind is that you can change the rules. Just be consistent. If you think a particular rule needs to be changed, think it over and make an educated decision. Rules can be changes. But if you change them, go ahead and keep the new rules intact.